So it’s been awhile since I posted, but I had a good reason. On Sunday I went to the ER with extreme abdominal pain. After 2 hours of poking around they found an ovarian cyst bigger than a softball. Then they sent me home with a referral to a gynecologist.
On Tuesday I had my appointment. The Dr said if it’s not malignant than he can do the surgery laparoscopically, if it could be malignant then he’s sending me to a hospital two hours away (and I get to fight with those DR’s about how knife happy they can be). The Dr asked me if I was planning on having children- that is just such a comforting question!
So right now I’m waiting on blood test results to decide my fate. I’m scared and pretty pissed at the whole situation. I have at best an uneasy truce with my body. I take over 12 different prescription medications. My list of health conditions include Parkinson’s, Chiari one malformation, sleep apnea, and dysphagia. If this is cancer than I am ready to be done. I am tired of fighting. I can’t count how many times in the past two years I said I quit but kept going. But if this is cancer it absolutely feels like the last stop. I just want to go to Chile and enjoy the world’s largest swimming pool.
Of course my best friend tells me I don’t get to be done, she says she’ll drag me through this, even if I’m kicking and screaming the whole way. My primary care doctor said he agrees with my friend, it’s not my time yet. And then of course there’s Mom.
On Saturday I spent the night at Mom’s, so on Sunday I got to wake her up with “Mom I’m going to the ER, try not to worry”. When I returned from the ER she was working on her sewing machine. So far what she knows is the kindest possible version of the truth – ovarian cyst, simple surgery, everything will be fine.
Everything thing will be fine.
Crap… I have to fight.
Sometimes it really sucks being a caregiver.